Ok, here's a long one...
Here's a long one, so bear with me---a whole bunch of thoughts i gathered from awhile ago from conversation online and such, of things i was thinking about...............Korn has saved a lot of lives, including mine, but so has my religion. Korn is more immediate for me because as I said to my friend, “They are tangible and comprehendible and I can relate on a simpler level. I mean, God is way more interesting than Korn will ever be, but I can’t seem to be passionate about Him half as much as I am about korn.” But the Bible is a big thing; the Bible is about the purpose, the meaning of life. Korn is just a release for anger during our lives. And I know that Korn has probably saved my life more than I know, but that’s saving my life on my account. It’s saved me from doing some stupid things. Although, I’m completely reassured that God has saved my life from the day I was born. He’s made more things happen, he loves me more than anything, along with everybody else in the world. But I still don’t think it’s right to praise Brian and bash Korn. Because Korn has helped a lot of people, they have their own purpose which is separate from Brian’s purpose now. I’m not against either side, because I’m kind of in the middle, on both sides. I think it’s good to feel anger and get it out. Some people, like me, can’t turn to religion and pray every time we are angry and calm down and turn out alright. I think I need both. I need something I can relate to, but also something that I can turn to and give everything up for. I think we, or people like me, kind of need to experience the darkness before coming to the light. Because I get curious and there are some things I won’t do, but some I kind of have to go through to come out alright. Like Marilyn Manson-I was almost afraid to listen to him when I was younger because it thought “Oh no, he’s bad, I’m not allowed to listen to him.” Then I got older, heard his stuff, and I’m fine. He almost seems kind of, I don’t know, childish? Not really, but not as scary or freaky as I thought. Same thing with Korn, except they are better than M.M. And when I was younger and would say certain swear words, I only did it cuz I felt like I wasn’t allowed to. But then I said them for a long time (until getting into a lot of trouble for dropping the f-bomb when I was 8). But then I realized it wasn’t a big deal, I just had to experience it, and realize how useless it was. Although I still do say a lot of things I shouldn’t. But you get my point. Some people have to experience things before coming clean or whatever, otherwise they will keep going back to their curiosity. And curiosity killed the cat, but the cat had nine lives. So if we try something new on a small level, and realize we don’t need it, we just had to go through it, wel will be fine in the future. But if we overdo something at first or go back and follow up on something like “I never did this, so even though things are good, I have to know what it’s like”, it can be bad. But if we try it, in the future we will realize that we didn’t need it, that it didn’t help us. There are a few tings I’ve done (but not anything horrible, remember I’m a proud square) but instead of being like “man I’m a horrible person” I just kept doing it, until I saw the after effects, and understood WHY I did it, and then found another release. I thought I did these things cuz I was sad or depressed, but I realized it was cuz I was angry and frustrated and it was the next best things besides something like suicide. So it got me down but also built me up and pulled me away from the edge, although it doesn’t seem like that to others. That’s another thing-these experiences help me understand other people and why THEY do certain things. There are times where I’ve done things that are self-destructive, or can be on a certain level, when I was perfectly happy. I’m still not sure why I did, or do, them, but at least I got to experience it, and now I’m fine.
Maybe people don’t like Christianity and such because it means happiness and some people just don’t want to be happy. They like to be miserable. And also, the translation and meaning got lost somewhere in the songs of “Jesus and sunshine all day long” kind of praise songs. It’s much deeper than that and these songs barely scratch the surface of it. It’s much more interesting than that. The meaning goes way deeper. I think that God is in everything-like that breathtaking experience you get when you see something spectacular.
I think sometimes the less you know about something, the more you end up idolizing it and worshipping it without realizing it, and vice versa. So if I get to understand these things and figure them out, the less emphasis I put on them and the less time I spend wondering about them. But God, nobody will ever figure Him out. It’s intriguing because the stuff it says in the Bible, a lot of it is beyond our comprehension. And so I put a lot of thought into it, because I don’t understand it. So I spend time trying to figure it out, even though I never will.
And three good points-The things we own end up owning us. (From Fight Club) And seeming relevant to me relating to what I said about how I think sometimes the less you know about something, the more you end up idolizing it and worshipping it without realizing it, and vice versa. So if I get to understand these things and figure them out, the less emphasis I put on them and the less time I spend wondering about them. So these people have a hold on us, because they seem like gods to us.
Jesus experienced everything we’ve ever felt-that means sadness, depression, hatred-it’s just that He never gave in. So it’s not like his life on earth was a glamorous experience for him.
The lesser man felt like the greater man, until he met a greater man, and wanted to become like him. (Relating to idolizing rock stars, and then when the rock star follows Christ, you follow the rock star. Then soon you follow Christ. The rock star realized there was something greater than him, so he followed it.)
Thoughts on my childhood- im getting all depressed about the end of highschool.i wish i could relive my whole life again.im feeling remorse almost ooh this is depressing...especially how i can remmeber things like yesteray and then rememeber im 10 years older now and i can feel everything and im like "I was there, i ddi that...i rmemeber, that was ME" but i cant go back, tis like living behind a glass wallits torture u can see it and hear it and feel it, but u cant actually touch it and be there but the memory is RIGHT THERE!! its weird and torture, u kinda know wut i mean?or like the dog who chases after the bone dangling in front of him but can never reach it.like things just flahs thru my mind and im there but im not.i realize everything that im sad about now, well every second im in now is wut ill be sad about in a few years everything i do, i just cant seem to appreciate even though i know im gunna want it all back in a few years.im kinda depressed about the future, i mean im not having a bleak out,ook, im excited, but its probably gunna be really lonely.cuz now i have a huge social life but soon ill be working and the only person ill havre is my husband.i want to get married and have kids and pass my generation on cuz im the only one, no siblings at allim wuts left of my mom and dad so...yeah----hopefully i can teach my kids to go out and be different and happy.id like to perform on a huge stage in a dark stadium a coupla times the idea that u work the crowd and they hang on every word u say, its incredible.if i dont have a job or something i do in life where i have a huge impact on a lot of ppl then my life will be worthless.
on the night---im gunna make an attempt at saying something really profound (and its gunna sound like shit, watch) i think that more fascinating things happen at night when nobody is watching, when its really empty and deserted..i think thats what we dont see and thats much more fascianting that wut happens during the day night and 2am---that’s when life happens and we don’t even know it, because we r sleeping our lives away.but im sure some weird stuff would happen if i were to sit on a mountain for a few hours at like 2am for a couple of days.you have the cover of night and since darkness is what we can’t see, well if we were to be in the middle of it, we’d see weird things. Since we see weird enough things in the light, imagine what we’d see in the darkness.
Maybe people don’t like Christianity and such because it means happiness and some people just don’t want to be happy. They like to be miserable. And also, the translation and meaning got lost somewhere in the songs of “Jesus and sunshine all day long” kind of praise songs. It’s much deeper than that and these songs barely scratch the surface of it. It’s much more interesting than that. The meaning goes way deeper. I think that God is in everything-like that breathtaking experience you get when you see something spectacular.
I think sometimes the less you know about something, the more you end up idolizing it and worshipping it without realizing it, and vice versa. So if I get to understand these things and figure them out, the less emphasis I put on them and the less time I spend wondering about them. But God, nobody will ever figure Him out. It’s intriguing because the stuff it says in the Bible, a lot of it is beyond our comprehension. And so I put a lot of thought into it, because I don’t understand it. So I spend time trying to figure it out, even though I never will.
And three good points-The things we own end up owning us. (From Fight Club) And seeming relevant to me relating to what I said about how I think sometimes the less you know about something, the more you end up idolizing it and worshipping it without realizing it, and vice versa. So if I get to understand these things and figure them out, the less emphasis I put on them and the less time I spend wondering about them. So these people have a hold on us, because they seem like gods to us.
Jesus experienced everything we’ve ever felt-that means sadness, depression, hatred-it’s just that He never gave in. So it’s not like his life on earth was a glamorous experience for him.
The lesser man felt like the greater man, until he met a greater man, and wanted to become like him. (Relating to idolizing rock stars, and then when the rock star follows Christ, you follow the rock star. Then soon you follow Christ. The rock star realized there was something greater than him, so he followed it.)
Thoughts on my childhood- im getting all depressed about the end of highschool.i wish i could relive my whole life again.im feeling remorse almost ooh this is depressing...especially how i can remmeber things like yesteray and then rememeber im 10 years older now and i can feel everything and im like "I was there, i ddi that...i rmemeber, that was ME" but i cant go back, tis like living behind a glass wallits torture u can see it and hear it and feel it, but u cant actually touch it and be there but the memory is RIGHT THERE!! its weird and torture, u kinda know wut i mean?or like the dog who chases after the bone dangling in front of him but can never reach it.like things just flahs thru my mind and im there but im not.i realize everything that im sad about now, well every second im in now is wut ill be sad about in a few years everything i do, i just cant seem to appreciate even though i know im gunna want it all back in a few years.im kinda depressed about the future, i mean im not having a bleak out,ook, im excited, but its probably gunna be really lonely.cuz now i have a huge social life but soon ill be working and the only person ill havre is my husband.i want to get married and have kids and pass my generation on cuz im the only one, no siblings at allim wuts left of my mom and dad so...yeah----hopefully i can teach my kids to go out and be different and happy.id like to perform on a huge stage in a dark stadium a coupla times the idea that u work the crowd and they hang on every word u say, its incredible.if i dont have a job or something i do in life where i have a huge impact on a lot of ppl then my life will be worthless.
on the night---im gunna make an attempt at saying something really profound (and its gunna sound like shit, watch) i think that more fascinating things happen at night when nobody is watching, when its really empty and deserted..i think thats what we dont see and thats much more fascianting that wut happens during the day night and 2am---that’s when life happens and we don’t even know it, because we r sleeping our lives away.but im sure some weird stuff would happen if i were to sit on a mountain for a few hours at like 2am for a couple of days.you have the cover of night and since darkness is what we can’t see, well if we were to be in the middle of it, we’d see weird things. Since we see weird enough things in the light, imagine what we’d see in the darkness.
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