Do You Mean Bubbly As In Beer?
I wrote this in June 2010, after quite an interesting interview.
Do You Mean “Bubbly” as in Beer?
When I found out that iTan was hiring and looking for someone with a “bubbly personality”, I was stoked. I mean, come on, i’m bubbly. I make people laugh, I have friends…at least 50% of the people I know don’t completely hate me. That’s “bubbly”, right? Well, after today’s group interview, I realized that there are many types of “bubbly” personalities, all with different kinds of bubbles.
There were the innocent first time job seekers, eager to learn, bubbly like something typical that’s been around forever….7 up! (or sprite, whatever your preference). They are light and fun, total suck ups, and could use a splash of vodka to really have a “kick” to them.
then there were the not so innocent first time job seekers, that were so overly sweet and bubbly, they made you want to throw up, the way a smirnoff ice does.
Then there were the two out of place guys…they were funny yet boring….and odd because they were two dudes applying at a tanning salon full of…barbies. and these guys were not quite ken dolls. there were less fake (and less orange) than that. they were bubbly kind of like coca cola. very typical, funny in the way every uncomfortable guy is funny, with a bit of bold flavor…bold enough to tell us how they would “sell” a tanning product. (they were straight).
Then there were the few 21+ girls that were seemingly sophisticated…they were of age, had job experience, had seen the college scene, and had money to dress “oh so fashionably” and afford the fake tans this salon offered….they were like bubbly champagne and if they were extra innocent, they had a dash of OJ in them as well. The OJ added that little bit of sweetness to them….the sweetness that screams “i am kissing your ass”, if there be such a flavor.
And then there’s me. Well, i think i was the only kind of my brand there. i’m beer. i’m bitter, full of calories, i make you belch loudly and extremely bloated….but if you just have the stomach for that sort of thing…well, i’m the velvet glove (in an alcoholic sort of way).
Just like beer, you either love me or hate me. and sometimes i just take a little time to get used to…(that’s for all you dudes that drink wine coolers but can finally swaggle down a beer and don’t mind). I’m not a bubbly wine cooler…they are too sickeningly sweet. i’m not a bubbly soda…if i’m drinking that many empty calories, there better be alcohol in it to make it worth the while…and i’m by far not bubbly sophisticated champagne…i’m really just not sophisticated.
there were a few dead giveaways that i should’ve just walked right out of that interview and never looked back. it was being held at wendy’s and was a group interview (boy oh boy, an array of blonde and orange competitive females sitting in a fast food place wishing they could be the queen bee at a tanning salon). the head manager looked like kesha except with a cameron diaz cleanliness to her. the assistant manager had tiny heels, tiny shorts, and a big blonde head (classy, huh?) she talked in a way that reminded me of paris hilton.
right from the start, the not-so-ditzy manager mentions this is a part time job, 10-20 hours a week. wowee, i can sure pay bills with that. then she also mentions that we have to be willing to drive down to vista for monthly meetings and then down the hill once a month, to have “game night”. playing games seems like something these people would actually be good at. the general not-so-smart assistant manager says “yea game nights are like, really fun. we get together and play stuff like cranium, but we involve our tanning products so we learn about them and have fun at the same time!” oohhh!!! i want a “fun” job, not a “real” job! i’m a no-nonsense kind of person. when i go to work, i go to, you know…WORK, not play.
so we go around in a circle, answering questions, like how you used to in kindergarten, except instead if asking us our favorite color, we were asked more intelligent questions such as “how would you sell a product on you, to me, if i were a customer?” The answers were as follows:
-”well, i would sell my shirt because it’s frilly, and flirty, and soft, and yeah…it’s really soft”
-”hi, i am aleixs and this dress is by gucci. it’s super comfortable and can be dressed up nice for an interview such as this one…teehee…or dressed down a little sexier for clubbing”
-”my shoes are like, perfect, because they are high heels which is just awesome and they are black and black goes with everything”
-”i would sell my shoes…they are inexpensive, practical, reliable, and durable…they may not be the cutest things here but they get the job done”
….guess which one is me. then during a minute break, the interviewers asked the girl next to me if her sandals were from steve madden (or something of that name)…and she giggles and says they are not but ‘yeah they totally look like it’. i snort which catches their eyes and i say “ha, that’s funny you are asking her brand of sandals, while i’m right next to you with my big black DC shoes and i realized i’m the only one not wearing cute little heels.” this remark catches them off guard and they switch to more questions after laughing awkwardly. hey, I thought it was funny.
i keep praying this long ass interview will hurry the hell up, because 5 minutes into it i knew i didn’t want this job. i tell God i won’t drink for a week if this is the last question, but every time i think that, they ask another. that’s good because when i got home, i downed a few bloody marys. anyway, once i was let out of that phony fast food prison, and we were all walking to our cars, i wanted to say “wow not only do i have the ugliest shoes, but i also have the ugliest car….that’s badass” but realized i would’ve been the only one laughing. (not like that would’ve been the first time though).
and so it continues. i apologize if my blog is a little disorganized. all that damn sweetness and niceness and blondeness made me crave a cheap cold sour beer when i got home and i was a little airheaded and buzzed myself while writing this.
There were the innocent first time job seekers, eager to learn, bubbly like something typical that’s been around forever….7 up! (or sprite, whatever your preference). They are light and fun, total suck ups, and could use a splash of vodka to really have a “kick” to them.
then there were the not so innocent first time job seekers, that were so overly sweet and bubbly, they made you want to throw up, the way a smirnoff ice does.
Then there were the two out of place guys…they were funny yet boring….and odd because they were two dudes applying at a tanning salon full of…barbies. and these guys were not quite ken dolls. there were less fake (and less orange) than that. they were bubbly kind of like coca cola. very typical, funny in the way every uncomfortable guy is funny, with a bit of bold flavor…bold enough to tell us how they would “sell” a tanning product. (they were straight).
Then there were the few 21+ girls that were seemingly sophisticated…they were of age, had job experience, had seen the college scene, and had money to dress “oh so fashionably” and afford the fake tans this salon offered….they were like bubbly champagne and if they were extra innocent, they had a dash of OJ in them as well. The OJ added that little bit of sweetness to them….the sweetness that screams “i am kissing your ass”, if there be such a flavor.
And then there’s me. Well, i think i was the only kind of my brand there. i’m beer. i’m bitter, full of calories, i make you belch loudly and extremely bloated….but if you just have the stomach for that sort of thing…well, i’m the velvet glove (in an alcoholic sort of way).
Just like beer, you either love me or hate me. and sometimes i just take a little time to get used to…(that’s for all you dudes that drink wine coolers but can finally swaggle down a beer and don’t mind). I’m not a bubbly wine cooler…they are too sickeningly sweet. i’m not a bubbly soda…if i’m drinking that many empty calories, there better be alcohol in it to make it worth the while…and i’m by far not bubbly sophisticated champagne…i’m really just not sophisticated.
there were a few dead giveaways that i should’ve just walked right out of that interview and never looked back. it was being held at wendy’s and was a group interview (boy oh boy, an array of blonde and orange competitive females sitting in a fast food place wishing they could be the queen bee at a tanning salon). the head manager looked like kesha except with a cameron diaz cleanliness to her. the assistant manager had tiny heels, tiny shorts, and a big blonde head (classy, huh?) she talked in a way that reminded me of paris hilton.
right from the start, the not-so-ditzy manager mentions this is a part time job, 10-20 hours a week. wowee, i can sure pay bills with that. then she also mentions that we have to be willing to drive down to vista for monthly meetings and then down the hill once a month, to have “game night”. playing games seems like something these people would actually be good at. the general not-so-smart assistant manager says “yea game nights are like, really fun. we get together and play stuff like cranium, but we involve our tanning products so we learn about them and have fun at the same time!” oohhh!!! i want a “fun” job, not a “real” job! i’m a no-nonsense kind of person. when i go to work, i go to, you know…WORK, not play.
so we go around in a circle, answering questions, like how you used to in kindergarten, except instead if asking us our favorite color, we were asked more intelligent questions such as “how would you sell a product on you, to me, if i were a customer?” The answers were as follows:
-”well, i would sell my shirt because it’s frilly, and flirty, and soft, and yeah…it’s really soft”
-”hi, i am aleixs and this dress is by gucci. it’s super comfortable and can be dressed up nice for an interview such as this one…teehee…or dressed down a little sexier for clubbing”
-”my shoes are like, perfect, because they are high heels which is just awesome and they are black and black goes with everything”
-”i would sell my shoes…they are inexpensive, practical, reliable, and durable…they may not be the cutest things here but they get the job done”
….guess which one is me. then during a minute break, the interviewers asked the girl next to me if her sandals were from steve madden (or something of that name)…and she giggles and says they are not but ‘yeah they totally look like it’. i snort which catches their eyes and i say “ha, that’s funny you are asking her brand of sandals, while i’m right next to you with my big black DC shoes and i realized i’m the only one not wearing cute little heels.” this remark catches them off guard and they switch to more questions after laughing awkwardly. hey, I thought it was funny.
i keep praying this long ass interview will hurry the hell up, because 5 minutes into it i knew i didn’t want this job. i tell God i won’t drink for a week if this is the last question, but every time i think that, they ask another. that’s good because when i got home, i downed a few bloody marys. anyway, once i was let out of that phony fast food prison, and we were all walking to our cars, i wanted to say “wow not only do i have the ugliest shoes, but i also have the ugliest car….that’s badass” but realized i would’ve been the only one laughing. (not like that would’ve been the first time though).
and so it continues. i apologize if my blog is a little disorganized. all that damn sweetness and niceness and blondeness made me crave a cheap cold sour beer when i got home and i was a little airheaded and buzzed myself while writing this.
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