Well shoot me dead and call me Sally

Korn is coming out with a new cd. W00t! (as all the nerds say). So yeah i can't wait for it. For more info go to www.thereeper.com Anywayz, yeah some new stuff has been going on. Since nobody reads this that I know of, I can probably be honest on here. Nobody is going to care what I have to say much less read it so here comes the truth, not like it matters to anybody but me. So my "boyfriend" (of which I hate the term) and I broke up. At first I was kind of...shocked but not as shocked since he wanted it about a month before hand. And I started looking at the positives (which there are many). I know it sounds dumb cuz well, nobody cares about bullshit highschool relationships but that's ok. So for one, I won't be stressing out if he's having a bad day and assuming it's cuz I've done something wrong and drive myself crazy because I'm a pathetic desparate girlfriend. For two, I won't be with somebody who isn't willing to work past something and wants to just give up the first time something goes wrong. For three, I got out of something just quick enough to have learned valuable information but not enough to make me want to die. Well, I did want to die but then I realized there's more to life than him. And I only wanted to die the first day. My friends were the most help. I cried, I prayed, i listened to Slipknot but my friends were the only thing that REALLY helped. My friend Amanda boycotted orange icecream. Her and Eddie and Lauren smashed an orange Necco to pieces. Amanda gave him the finger everytime his back was turned. Now I know that sounds mean because apparently he's struggling with it too, but her frustration helped me. Haha. Then my other friends told me about their "first time" and I'm glad my first dramamtic "first time" of being dumped was in highschool while it's still not serious. Some of the stuff he said a few days before made me convinced we'd be together for quite a while and he was totally satisfied. But if he can't trust himself around another girl, he doesn't care enough about me. If he can't even fucking trust himself around ME well then fuck, it was all going to hell anyway. I've also been listenin to Christian music a lot which has been helping. I don't know why but I've gotten this extreme passion about living and I got like a burst of the feeling while listening to my Christian music. It was insane. At first I wanted to party and get all fucked up cuz I was pissed at him and the whole situation. I still want to party but not as much. I guess I may have moved on quite fast, especially after telling him in a month he'd be over it since it didn;t mean much to him. i guess I moved on faster than him, faster than I thought. By week 2, I felt great. I kind of moved onto somebody else (or them to me rather...I was an innocent bystander--- sorta). And I'm already applying my knowledge of what I learned to it. I know so much from just 4 months. Well, the taking it slow and NOT seriously and telling each other everything is VITAL. So is honesty. His reasoning for breaking it off may have been weak the first time and seemed like it the second but at least he was honest. If he was telling the complete truth the second time than that's a strong thing of him to do and that's very cool of him. But I still should have just broke it off after the first "I can't trust myself around another girl" episode. Maybe I'd be better off. Maybe I learned more this way, though. I'm not sure. I have no regrets. He's a great person but I'm just glad it's over.