I'm 18

i'm 18 bitches! so yeah i had a great time at my party. i still hate school though, with a fucking passion. i saw james in the hospital and he's doing better, thank god. i also see why now adam used to ditch me for his work friends because i love my friends from work and they are so much fun and if i was still dating him, i would've ditched him any day for them. they are fricken awesome and i love them to death. i used to say friends are better than boyfriends because they were there for you when your punk ass boyfriend screwed up. but now i realize that they are just better company overall. i dont know, but i kinda like being single. for awhile i was dreading it but i like the freedom. i dont have to call somebody everynight and chew the fat and i also dont have anybody to call me to be upset over if they do not call me, and i also don't feel the need to stress out over anybody. i barely have enough free time as it is and i'd rather not spend that free time dealing with relationship bullshit when i could be chillin with my friends. as of life though, i'm in a slump. i think thats how it always goes though, nobody knows what to do with their life and feel confused and are worried and dont have a plan and blah blah blah. i dont give a shit that i dont have a plan. i am doign what i need to be doing and will take it one step at a time. the only thing that im having trouble with is my spiritual life. its always that. i have so many different thoughts on that, though. am i a bad person for not praying everyday? or would it be bullshit to pray just because i feel i have to but not meaning anything? is what the pastor says true or am i the only one in charge of my salvation? will i really be damned to hell if i dont follow what they say exactly? what is exactly a sin? for example- is a piercing a sin? how? is smoking a sin just because people look down on it? i mean it could be no more a sin than eating junk food because thats equally bad. this is a dumb example but the bible says to take care of your body that God gave you and not using it in sinful ways....so if people argue that smoking is bad, then wouldn't bad food be "sinful" too? stupid example. is listening to certain music a sin? how so? even if what its saying isnt rightoeous enough but it puts you in a good mood, whats the problem? these are crappy examples, but you get the point. ive had mixed feelings on parts of my faith for awhile. i still believe but ive been questioning outside elements. but yeah i guess thats all i have to say for now since i just seem to have a bad attitude on everything according to some people. ill write later.