i feel as if im floating

I feel like I'm floating. I had a monster earlier and now I'm just sitting here and not really moving and I feel really weird. Kinda sick and shaky but also like I'm floating. It reminds me of the feeling you get where you float in water and if you stay still enough you can't even feel the water. Hmm...anyways. Finals were easy. I woke up depressed again, though. I wonder how much worse it would've gotten if I didn't have my car to go be around people today. I hung out with Adam and then Amanda and Lauren which helped a lot. I just hate how now I actually NEED to be around people or I get depressed. It's really bad. I honestly don't know what to say right now. I just feel so uninspired and really numb. But I feel kind of happy too. I don't know. Lately I've been feeling like that-fine one minute and then completely hopeless the next. Maybe it's remorse cuz the end of highschool is so near that it's depressing. I feel kind of regretful, too. I won't say about what but just some things I feel regretful about lately. A lot of things actually. Maybe I'm just a downer. If I think of it one way I could care less and then another way I feel like I'm the worst person in the world. I just want to be happy like I used to be. I mean I am but I get so depressed so damn easy enough to where I cry myself to sleep and then wake up and cry again. And then I feel stupid about the whole thing and then I cry later. I just want to know what's wrong with me. And if it's fixable. I don't want pills because I know that it'll skew my version of reality and probably hold back my creativity. I wrote some profound things last year when I was super depressed. I hate going home now though. I've barely been home at ALL this week and still, whenever I'm ot on the phone or talking or being with somebody I get depressed and I hate it. I never used to be like this-this dependent on other people for my happiness. In fact, I enjoyed the solitude. But now-now I can't do that. I think I need therapy. Or just a really good trip to Jacumba ASAP. Anyone up for it? I could use it. A weekend or even a day at Jacumba with a friend, filming away.