It's been awhile...
So yeah it's been awhile since I posted. A lot has happened, too and right now I'm mainly writing this for my own purposes and sanity. As of now I'm listening to Ballroom Blitz by the Misfits to put me in a good mood. I would of course be in a GREAT mood except for the following reasons: Highschool has ended and a lot of my friends have moved away, I'm starting college and am quite terrified to say the least (I have to go full time in order to get health insurance through my stepmoms work-so basically I take on a full work load that will more than likely kill me but I'll get insurance for my bad health state after I'm done...ok cool), and I'm having relationshiT problems. I know that everybody I've talked to is sick of hearing me bitch and moan about the same old stuff like now. So NOW they can just read it, not hear it. So this is going to be my really depressing post that everybody is going to roll their eyes about. OK! Yay let's get started! Hmmm...let's start first with my bad health state-Wednesday around 5pm I ate a pint of rice. Later I had some gummy bears. Yesterday I had 2 pieces of chocolate, some water, and a few more gummy bears. This morning I had...water. And now I weigh a total of 98 pounds and I'm still not hungry! OK!
I do want to say first though that I am happy for the success of my school---we made news in at least 3 newspapers (Ramona Sentinal, Union Tribune, and front page on North County Times). Although I do have to say that some of it was badly reported and stated. I would go ahead and badmouth all the people involved and could mention how hypocrytical it is for RHS of all schools to be judging us. With all the shit that has happened at their school (in the newspaper about the teacher molesting kids and getting his license suspended, hearing about another coach hitting kids, ecstasy and alchohol at prom, and daily fights) they have a lot of guts to be judging OUR school. But it's ok, right? All in good fun, no harm done (yeah right). Ok I think I'm going to stop now because if I continue with any further vague information and bad opinions, I'll probably get sued.
SO now, back to my slef absorbed problems in my pathetic teenage world. I'm kind of waiting for something really big to happen to remind me that my world isn't the only one that exists. But hey at least I realize that I'm self absorbed and pathetic ;) The cedar fires were one thing that really brought me back to reality. I almost appreciated the obvious hint from God although I feel badly for all those affected. Spekaing of God, this kind of brings me to my relationship problem. (For those of you that know me personally, this is quite personal so read with caution, secrecy, or a could care less attitude tp keep yourself from vomiting or giving the finger to the computer screen :) Well I'm dating this guy that seemed like a dream compared to my last beau (is that even the right word? Probably not but oh well) because this one was A LOT of fun. Well relationships cannot live on fun alone. Since we were in high school at the time it was fun and lighthearted foir awhile. Then it---well it didn't turn to shit but it is slowly forming and crusting it's way there. (Again I'm writing this main post mainly to get my thoughts cleared---my next one will be funny hopefully and I'll write it for you reading) Anyway, (can you say ADD?) ok so some people have said I should end it because I'm not being treated the way I should. That's a 50/50 argument. And also, having fun means not having conversations--just having FUN. So it's cool to have FUN with a friend, but with a boyfriend it's nice to have an actual conversation once in awhile. So since I'm so passionate about life and God and my faith, I blab on about it quite a bit. But since he has no faith, he tunes me out or pretends to listen but has no input. It's getting old because I feel like I'm talking to a wall which I have done before and it's not as fun as it sounds. So this difference in faith is really kind of what is sending me to the edge. Then there's the issue of me feeling as though he doesn't want to see me. Maybe it's that he hasn't called for awhile or when he does call we talk for like 5 minutes (here again-no REAL conversations) and then he goes to bed or goes to see his friends or maybe it's that I think he gets annoyed having to drive SO far to see me or that he seems to spend or want to spend more time with his friends. So I'm ready so say Fuck you. I'm going to be really busy in a few weeks with no time for you and obviously you no time for me. Go see your friends everyday since it's not a drag to drive 25 minutes to see them. then date a girl that doesn't give a shit about talking and you can see everyday since this once a week thing is probably a killer for you, ok? Yes I know I sound SOOOO bitter right now and I guess I am. But I just feel better getting it out because sometimes I feel totally alone in a situation such as this. But it's like I got a family that I sometimes have fun with, teachers that cared a lot about me and everyone else, and friends that have listened to way too much of my bullshit. And I feel alone? that's pretty sad. So I guess I should grow some balls, end it, and be single once again (which I haven't truly been in over a year) so it's kinda scary to be my own person again (I know, dreaded thought). I should continue to pursue my faith and my future and my friends (three F's) instead of my boyfriend who seems that he could care less. The three F's (yay I'm clever) will get my much farther in life anyway.
So now I'm done and if you did actually read this whole post and survived you should get a prize-and that will be a hopefully somewhat funny entry next time instead of a depressing woe is me post like this one. Ok, I think I'm done.
I do want to say first though that I am happy for the success of my school---we made news in at least 3 newspapers (Ramona Sentinal, Union Tribune, and front page on North County Times). Although I do have to say that some of it was badly reported and stated. I would go ahead and badmouth all the people involved and could mention how hypocrytical it is for RHS of all schools to be judging us. With all the shit that has happened at their school (in the newspaper about the teacher molesting kids and getting his license suspended, hearing about another coach hitting kids, ecstasy and alchohol at prom, and daily fights) they have a lot of guts to be judging OUR school. But it's ok, right? All in good fun, no harm done (yeah right). Ok I think I'm going to stop now because if I continue with any further vague information and bad opinions, I'll probably get sued.
SO now, back to my slef absorbed problems in my pathetic teenage world. I'm kind of waiting for something really big to happen to remind me that my world isn't the only one that exists. But hey at least I realize that I'm self absorbed and pathetic ;) The cedar fires were one thing that really brought me back to reality. I almost appreciated the obvious hint from God although I feel badly for all those affected. Spekaing of God, this kind of brings me to my relationship problem. (For those of you that know me personally, this is quite personal so read with caution, secrecy, or a could care less attitude tp keep yourself from vomiting or giving the finger to the computer screen :) Well I'm dating this guy that seemed like a dream compared to my last beau (is that even the right word? Probably not but oh well) because this one was A LOT of fun. Well relationships cannot live on fun alone. Since we were in high school at the time it was fun and lighthearted foir awhile. Then it---well it didn't turn to shit but it is slowly forming and crusting it's way there. (Again I'm writing this main post mainly to get my thoughts cleared---my next one will be funny hopefully and I'll write it for you reading) Anyway, (can you say ADD?) ok so some people have said I should end it because I'm not being treated the way I should. That's a 50/50 argument. And also, having fun means not having conversations--just having FUN. So it's cool to have FUN with a friend, but with a boyfriend it's nice to have an actual conversation once in awhile. So since I'm so passionate about life and God and my faith, I blab on about it quite a bit. But since he has no faith, he tunes me out or pretends to listen but has no input. It's getting old because I feel like I'm talking to a wall which I have done before and it's not as fun as it sounds. So this difference in faith is really kind of what is sending me to the edge. Then there's the issue of me feeling as though he doesn't want to see me. Maybe it's that he hasn't called for awhile or when he does call we talk for like 5 minutes (here again-no REAL conversations) and then he goes to bed or goes to see his friends or maybe it's that I think he gets annoyed having to drive SO far to see me or that he seems to spend or want to spend more time with his friends. So I'm ready so say Fuck you. I'm going to be really busy in a few weeks with no time for you and obviously you no time for me. Go see your friends everyday since it's not a drag to drive 25 minutes to see them. then date a girl that doesn't give a shit about talking and you can see everyday since this once a week thing is probably a killer for you, ok? Yes I know I sound SOOOO bitter right now and I guess I am. But I just feel better getting it out because sometimes I feel totally alone in a situation such as this. But it's like I got a family that I sometimes have fun with, teachers that cared a lot about me and everyone else, and friends that have listened to way too much of my bullshit. And I feel alone? that's pretty sad. So I guess I should grow some balls, end it, and be single once again (which I haven't truly been in over a year) so it's kinda scary to be my own person again (I know, dreaded thought). I should continue to pursue my faith and my future and my friends (three F's) instead of my boyfriend who seems that he could care less. The three F's (yay I'm clever) will get my much farther in life anyway.
So now I'm done and if you did actually read this whole post and survived you should get a prize-and that will be a hopefully somewhat funny entry next time instead of a depressing woe is me post like this one. Ok, I think I'm done.
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